Thursday, September 28, 2006

two fabulously funny n too weird links

Click here to watch a video of Israelis easing tension by hurling pillows at each other. (BBC News)

Read here about a restaurant in Israel that serves only atmosphere, and no food. "Customers can choose anything they want from the most exhaustive menu which includes everything from fried octopus to chocolate rolls in cranberry sauce - but all you will get is an empty plate." (Reuters)

I found both links on this blog

attention all winepickers:

the hope is nearly gone

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

o gd, moshiach come already! i cant take it anymore :(

"The Rebbe has told us that the geulah has already started and it is up to us to realize it. Here is a prime example showing how the world is moving towards Geulah.
Look how this craftsman exemplifies the nevuah in yeshayahu regarding "beating the swords into plowshares".Colombian craftsman Luis Alberto Paredes turns tools of death into musical instruments.

One of Colombia's top musical instrument makers, "Paredes" has branched out from traditional methods to fashion electric guitars from shotguns and AK47 rifles once used by fighters caught up in the country's lingering guerilla conflict.

"This used to hit a target at 800 meters (yards)," Paredes said holding up one of the guitars which still has a Kalashnikov rifle's distinctive, banana-shaped magazine. "Now the target will just depend on the concert stage."

Lopez says the idea came to him after the 2003 rebel car bombing in Bogota that killed 36 people. Lopez added that he hopes that others will take his example, and transform the world from a world of war and terror, to a world of peace and hope."

(got it from Menucha who got it from like chad gad ya here)

Monday, September 25, 2006

cold turkey

which food is most difficult for the sabra to digest?

Rosh Hashona 5767 (updated)

Ki Ain Machsor L'rayov.....Lazer Brody....Krainy & her crew........10 cents a Kapitel.....Taanis Dibbur....Farkash Niggun...Cold Turkey.....Rechovot (sniff sniff)....Zochreinu l'papa.....Zivchu zivchei tzeddek....Eatin with my hands, az mah....Wait wait (no pun intended)......Stupid pink sandals (who should we throw them at?)....Aphrasimona Apharsimona (Ira Heller?)...Attemptin the cold turkey once more......ISRAEEEEEEEEEELIS!!!!....Dis Habba/Dis Haya....Easy Havtachos....Curly haired soldier...Mivtzoyim.....Err cheesecake....Sleeping till tzvantzik azeiger...Poughkeepsie hehe....New clothes....Reizi...B'rosh hashona yikasaivoon...Who by fire...Beis Din...Daled amos-chayov misa.....Throw out wrong choc ice cream....Chavilla/mamilla.....Shana tovah fifty times (broken answering machine?)....Machzor fallin-memories of the carriage....Clappin to the shofar...Shofar sho good.....Even two minutes early threat....Yerushalayim shel zahav....


More 'QUEEN OF THE HUDSON' Headlines

(Please Click Here For An Important Message. Thanks.)

* Mr. Paul T. Rack Declares Bankruptcy And is Forced to Close Matchmaking Business *

* Residents of Crown Heights Breathe a Sigh of Relief after Being Spared the Poughkeepsie Treatment *

* Zach Guard Goes Behind Peoples Back and Denies It *

* The Shpy Attacks The Sabra *

* Bochurim List Now Required Reading Material For All Chassidishe Maidels *

*Nudniks Arrested for Possessing False ID *

Friday, September 22, 2006


POUGHKEEPSIE'S MAYOR, NANCY J. COZEAN, STARES WITH WONDER and dismay at the ghost town that has once been the 'Queen City of the Hudson'. As of late Thursday night, Sept 21, (corresponding to the Hebrew date of Elul 28), residents have begun packing their essential belongings and fleeing the city. At first thought to be an isolated incident, when 29 families traveled together from the Ruoflab neighborhood, this gradual mass exodus has prompted some urgent investigation.

Speaking with some of the nosy Chabadnikim in the area has shed some light on this mystery. "I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the Zach guard coming to town, though I don't know how everyone has found out about it so quickly" says Chatan from Peppermintville. "Maybe through his blog?", suggests his mother.

Residents are apparently frightened from the Zach guard due to his infamous monotonous voice that sends listeners either to heaven or to azazel, depending on their occupation-taxi driver or rabbi. Regardless of their destination once they leave this world, Poughkeepsie's residents would rather choose the option of life. So, as they near the High Holidays and are given the chance for a clean slate, many have opted to exchange their previous content lifestyle in the Dutchess county to one in the Mid-East where they are confident that they will not be interrupted by visits from bothersome and daring bochurs.

"Anything is better than dealing with the Zach guard", confided the sabra. "His voice is positively frightening. I recently came in contact with him and the trauma I have experienced will leave me scarred for a long time". The Sabra, who normally does not answer questions, has surprisingly agreed to participate in a short interview regarding her multilingual talents and her life as a child. (ed note: sorry guys, I had to cut the interview out, however, it can be found at

DP, a friend of the Zach guard, admits to having leaked the secret. "I needed cash", he confessed, "and I knew the sabra would pay for this kind of information. She's funny like that. Yknow, winepicking and all."

All in all, it has been a beery bizarre experience, but Mayor Cozean is comforted by the well known saying, 'A dare is a dare, and if there's a will, there's a way".

"...when the needs of another proceed yours in prayer, G-d heeds your request first"

This Rosh Hashonah we all gonna be prayin for ourselves, for friends, for enemies (to die), for sabras (peace in the mid-east), for alchohol, for family and for guidance. Please can you say an extra tefillah, prayer (or perek of tehillim/chapter of psalms) that Asher Lemel Ben Ruchel has a refuah shleima, a complete recovery?

Thank you and may Hashem answer all of our bakashos.

הפתרון היחיד? משיח בן דוד! י

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

.....memories..... (i promise) ....memories....

coffee shop in amona
cooking and cleaning for shabbos
cozy fireplace
crazy amounta kids runnin around (i think it was 100)
coffee every mornin, fresh
conversation in gavna
constant back massages
catering to guests
costly jewelry (gush bracelets)
chevron renting
caravan living

the jector or the jectee? who has it worse?

a brook?

(my mother seems to think so)

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


When Man desired to fly, two paths lay before him: To create vehicles lighter than air, or to use the air's resistance to his advantage.

In the end, the second path proved more successful.

It turns out that when you wish to fly above, resistance is to your advantage. In fact, it carries you higher than the angels.

Subscribe to 'A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe'
(words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman)

my grandmother k"ah

Thursday, September 14, 2006

It really stunk on the bus...

So I'm sitting on the bus and suddenly an overwhelmingly powerful stench threatens to choke me. (don't know where it came from but I did have my guesses.) I'm trying to distract myself so I look around. My glance falls upon a black teenager. I let my imagination wander so I can be occupied with something other than the horrendous odor. I think of the blacks of long ago. I think of how horribly they were treated. Mistreated, really. I think of how they were beaten into being slaves. I think of how they were transported on ships and how they were all thrown together, chained one to another, lumped and clumped one on top of another. Not able to move and more importantly, not able to breathe fresh air. Limbs intertwined with yours, and faces stuck in yours. Nowhere to turn, nowhere to look. Think stuffy, think hot, think sweaty. Think smelly.

Gulp. Quick think of something else.

Um eh the history of something else..the amerikaim? What immediately comes to mind are the natives, the Indians. Ah the word 'Indian' conjures up images of throngs of sandal and sari clad Indians and Pakistanis that filled the streets of Chicago durin my short stay there (ahh, you wonder, what makes me so sure that there were only Indies and Pakies when I was there? well I'm not..but that's all I care about at the moment). And most strong, is the memory of the spices. Their sweet smellin incenses were anythin but sweet. Twas plain ich. Like pinch your nose closed until um you manage to buy noseplugs...

The elderly woman sittin near me accidentally jabs my hip. Well I'm givin her the benefit of the doubt that twas accidentally though she had thrown some disapprovin glances my way earlier on in the ride...due perhaps to the obnoxiously loud music comin from my ipod. nu nu. Hmm she looks a bit like this other savta that I 'savta sat' for a coupla weeks ago. Woah that deserves a story of its own. (don't we all..?) b'kitzur, one of the exciting parts of this one night episode was takin her to the sheirutim. You see, she's r'l wheelchair bound ever since an operation from a few months ago failed and left her leg um unusable. Anyhow this bathroom tiyul occurred every hour and a half. If I was lucky, every hour and fifty minutes. And in keepin with laws of tznius I shan't go into detail except to say one thing-the smell wasn't pleasant. No siree. But wait, why am I thinking of smells again?? I'm nauseous as it is...

I try openin the window but its not openable. I see the construction workers outside. I've always been entranced by construction. I can sit (or stand!) for hours and just watch their progress. Watch somethin from nothin. ahh construction workers-the sweat, the moving, the shouting, the noise and gosh, the heat. The sweat and the heat. The constant sweat. Woah bad idea, I'm supposed to be thinkin of something OTHER than foul smells....

I look down at the directions in my hand.
Scribbled on the back of a diaper coupon.

I drummed my fingers on the arm rest.
I suddenly found it dangerously close to some treifishe french fries and ketchup.

I give up.
I absolutely give up.
Good thing cuz my stop is here.

And as these thoughts ran through my head, some positive ones did too. Some life learnin ones. (makin the Besht proud, eh?) I thought of how this can be applied to my life in so many ways. What really struck me was how this was a perfect example of Hashem must be a total part of your life-permeated into every fiber of your being and existent in every nanosecond of your day.

There aint no escapin Him-ein od milvado!

Sunday, September 10, 2006

i really dont care that they all stared

i dont care that they all stared, the women and the men-
so i was sittin on the floor.
i dont understand why they stared, the kids and the contstruction workers-
they too sit on the floor.
i dont know how they stared, the businessmen and the blabbering girls-
i was sittin on the floor.
i dont really care that they all stared, the indians and the english-
so i was sittin on the floor.
i dont really understand why they stared, the teens and the troubled
they too sit on the floor.
i dont really know how they stared, the mothers and the merchants
i was sittin on the floor.

i really dont care that they all stared at me sittin on the floor

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Video of Nachal 931 in Lebanon

Click here (and then press 'Enter') to watch a video-approx 20 minutes long-of IDF in Lebanon.

I tried writing a description bout this clip but I simply couldn't. You just gotta watch it for yourself. Really hits home (no pun intended) cuz this is one of my gidudim. Gosh I love you guys.

[Found it on]

Monday, September 04, 2006

ein lachem ma la'asot?

Some things I would like you to check out
(click on the heading of each paragraph for a link to the site)-

Michal Designs:
If you need a graphic designer (or if you don't), Michal is the bestest. She does any print job you need including (but not limited to!) flyers, brochures, postcards, invitations, logos etc..
She also offers translating services-from hebrew or italian to english.

Don't Tell Me to Cheer Up:
Ahh this is so refreshing to see that someone else feels like me on this topic.

"Cheer up" implies that I have no reason for feeling bad. Let's face it: the chances are that I'm not sad for the sheer fun of it. Something is obviously troubling me, causing me to be melancholy. Telling me to cheer up is effectively denying me the right to feel upset about it. Imagine the burden I now carry: I not only have a worrying problem, I'm not even allowed to feel bad about it!

Do a Mitzvah for Chaya Mushka Holzkenner:
I got an email today, requesting to...

"...Please take on a special mitzvah in honor of chaya mushka holzkenner (she is a newborn twin with a chromosome condition, on a special mission in the world.)

The Amateur:
Read this poem a few days ago..really liked it..

I saw a man today was down on a knee.
He wasn’t praying, nor was it blasphemy.
I wondered maybe he was a little cuckoo –
His fingers were tying the lace of his shoe.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

where exactly does pete fit into all this?

Tal is back (or is it that I am?) and Gis is scared I'm gonna run off with him. Ha. As if.

For her, I'll wake up early.
(as im typing online in these typically boringly muggle sleeping hours)
For him, I'll consider buying a new tzmid.
(only cuz the old one snapped..and he asked if it was insured..cmon how desperate)
For her, I'll eat mishuleshas..even at 2 in the mornin
(o wait, they're closed lichatchila ariber!)
For them, I'll say Rashi through closed eyes afilu.
(Ach its for all of us, who am i fooling?)
For her, I'll deal with the proud chareidi and his mamosh yaffe trays
(blah it wasn't even my money or my ben yehuda errand)
For her, I'll shlichutate in Bolivia.
(with a happy heart and a fearless face)
For her, I'll take it out when she's around.
(even though i think its cute!)
For him, I'll go through the inyan-chapper.
(only cuz sonny advised..and 'hot stuff''s mother asked)
For her, I'll brave the dazzle of the negrin.
(she did alot more for me, and even i can admit that)
For him, I'll wish a goodbye and goodluck from both of us.
(though i know its hard for him, for her and for myself)
For her, I'll spend precious money on chocolate bakery croissants.
(refreshing to get a thank you only from her and not the rest of em)
For them, I'll do my best to shutup when they come.
(apparently it wasnt enough for half of them)
For us, I'll forget the times, the heat, the coming late, the busses, the waiting...
(o theres more, plenty more..but i said i'd forget em)
For him, I'll make aliyah!
(well that doesn't really make sense but he DID say that was the only thing we can to pay him back and boy does he deserve it!)
For her, I'll weather the bathroom excursions, the house arrest, the shriki temptation and the ice cream with a toothpick and silverfoil.
(and noch i thought i was gettin rewarded and in the end i got stranded)
For her, I'll lie.
(woah woah)
For him, I'll keep silent when I see them walking down King George.
(ya well that wasn't completely by choice)
For her, I'll try to be good.
(I love her too much to be selfish)

I was about to ask Him what He's gonna do back for us in return but then I remembered that every last thing He does is good.

Don't needa enumerate, don't needa make lists and count points.
Bless for the bad like you bless for the good.
Baruch Dayan Ha'emet.

Ach but cant You just carry our all Your good in an open way?