Friday, June 30, 2006

כי איך אעלה אל אבי והנער איננו אתי

-and that is why the Rebbe invented the concept of "outreach".

How can he, the Rebbe, be concerned with his own spiritual height when there are millions of Jews who do not yet know what it means to be a Jew. They are like children in the sense that their current knowledge of Torah and Mitzvos is so young and limited.

Now go out.
Reach out to every Jew.
No Jew is 'far'.
No Jew is 'secular'.
No Jew is 'detached'.

With all the evil in the world, the only solution is to add in goodness. For darkness will not fade with tears and shouts. Darkness knows no logic or sense. There is only one thing that will banish the darkness, quickly and effortlessly. And that is light.

Spread the light of Torah and Chassidus, of truth and ahava, and be the one to tip the scale towards the side of 'goodness'.

But do not be a simple lamp. Be a lamplighter. And light up others so that they too can be a lamplighter.

How can we possibly have that strength?

Through our Rebbe.

The Rebbe, the raya m'hemna (faithful shephard) and the Moshe of our generation gives us the power. Only a leader and a rebbe can connect all of bnei yisroel and reveal the etzem neshama in all of us for he posseses a neshama klolis and it is his role to be mechaber us yidden with our Creator. By revealing that inner connection that we have with Hashem, whether it is felt or not, the Rebbe leads us to be able to experience the truest level of etzem neshama which is expressed by having mesiras nefesh.
And now, in this golus, where we are not required to sacrifice our life in order to observe Torah and Mitzvos, our mesira is of the ratzon.
Give up your will for Hashem.
Have a little iskafia (self-restraint).


Thursday, June 29, 2006

kidnapped soldiers

tracht gut vet zein gut
tachshov tov v'yiheye tov
think good and it will be good

Two IDF soldiers have been kidnapped-
Gilad Shalit (19 years old, from Mitzpeh Hila I think) and Eliyahu Asheri (18 years old, from Itamar).

I was in middle of searchin for a link about them just now when I see an update on Arutz Sheva-

Body of Kidnapped Youth Found Near Ramallah
05:51 Jun 29, '06 / 3 Tammuz 5766
( The body of the kidnapped youth Eliyahu Pinchas Asheri was found early this morning near Ramallah. The family has been notified. Eliyahu, 18, was from the Shomron town of Itamar and was a student at the pre-military yeshiva academy in N'vei Tzuf, in the western Binyamin area. He was last seen at 9 PM Sunday at the French Hill junction in northern Jerusalem, where hundreds of people wait for rides northward every day.

Gilad's name is Gilad ben Aviva...ya i cant write anymore....jameel has written some of what i feel...may we only hear good news, and of course moshiach NOW

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

My 'To-Do List' Lament

I used to have this way of getting things done-write up a "To-Do" list.
Whenever my head started sendin signals that it was almost full (some examples include tantrums, oversleeping, nonsensical rambling), I would let it all out by writing up everything that I had to remember to do-calls to be made, bills to be paid, offices to visit, reports to write up, parties to attend, noses to be picked-they all went in there.
Then, the next day, I would periodically glance at my list, see what has to be done and slowly and methodically (well not always so methodically) would I check off one 'thing' after another.
Comes the end of day, I turn to my list and with a tired yet utterly satisfied sigh, I chuck it in the bin.
Next day, same thing happens.

And thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan things changed.

Oh I still would get the brain overload and still write up the lists but the difference lay in what I did with those lists.
I stopped referrin to them.
I would go along with my day-do whatever seemed pleasin to my mind and heart-and then, when gettin ready for bed, my gaze would inevitably fall upon the paper and gasp! only ONE thing was able to be crossed off!
utter shock
total disbelief
but wait, i was so busy! i was i was!
how'd that happen that not more than one thing was done by me today?
hmmm that is just so crazy
And with a tired and uncomfortable sigh, I chuck it in the bin.
Next day, same thing happens.

And you?
You chuckle. A smug satisfied grin on your face.
Dear, you're supposed to use your "to-do" list as a REFERENCE and GUIDE during the day-to know what to do, not as a MULTIPLE CHOICE CHECKLIST or an OPTIONAL SUMMARY to be read at the end of your workday!
Everyone knows that.

And you, my dear nation, how do you use your "To-Do" lists?
Do you constantly refer back to them, searching for your mission, striving to attain and even surpass your goals?
Or do you lean back at the end of your years and glance with surprise at your list? What is the meaning of this, you wonder uncomfortably. How can it be that I can only cross off one or two items? Was I not a hard worker? Did I not toil all the days of my life?

And perhaps you fall into yet a third category.

Perhaps you too did not refer to your list. But every so often you have wandered over and without too much thought or attention, drew a line over any one of your reminders. And at the end of the day, you knowingly and noddingly skim your list, satisfied with your 'accomplishments'.

Oh, but you can't expect to get things done without constantly referring to your list and only crossing them off when they have truly been completed.
Everyone knows that.

Friday, June 23, 2006

six seizures in two and a half months

G-d will never give more than ye can handle

למי שמגיע מגיע

(even my savta agrees)

necessitation of validation

I think there are monsters under my bed.
You don't.
That's fine.

I have reasons to think there are monsters under my bed.
You don't.
That's fine.

What's not fine, however, is to dismiss my fears based on the absence of yours.

What you may do, is kneel down with me and help me realize that the monsters have fled.

A prerequisite in banishing something
is acknowledgement of the something.

You can't take it away if there is no
(Just a brilliant theory I recently stumbled across)

o my g-d

His handwriting is neat.

His handwriting is neat and his columns are straight like long queues of people, waiting patiently for their turn to step forward to be totaled up by his slim, precise figures and then step across the neat black line that he has drawn at the bottom of his list.

In a few minutes, maybe, he will go make another cup of coffee.

In March, 8239 pairs of shoes.
In April, 7985
In May, 8132
In June, 8089

(read the full 'flash-fiction' here)

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Just Shutup

Shutup. Stop your stupid useless logical words. Don't care. I dont want to see the emotion that's peekin in fearfully, timidly. The anxious breath. Take it away. All away. Just quit it. Pause, stop, eject and throw. Throw it full force farther than the widest sea. No trace. No ripples. No waves. No memory. Torn, burnt then disappeared. But dont want to see shreds or ashes. No remnance. Cease to exist by way of interruptin the utterance of one of the Ten. Just do it, make it null.

Numbify the brain; channel the heart.
One enormous heat of hurt, cast it aside.
Greet, welcome and joyously embrace, Love.
Ichsa, joyously?
Just shutup, already.

Just shutup.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

did i write these?

just read two posts that are absolutely madhim. thought i would share cuz i think we all can learn from em. not necessarily the message that they brought out, but the fact that a lesson was learned from an 'ordinary' experience.

[satisfied sigh of pleasure]

"takin the plunge" (by anonym00kie)
"Keep merging with the raindrops" (by remchalamo)

felt nostalgic

Last night, my neggel vasser set was (a mix n match of) blue and black.
What came to mind immediately was my land.
You see, I don't see white and blue anymore.
White and blue, that zionistic symbol, can easily become blackened.
And it has.
I think Israel and I think black and blue.
How sad.
But I'm not sad cuz I still have my Holy Land.
And its preciousness and holiness will never be colored by the acts of man.
My Holy Land.
How I miss it so.
Even with its multitude of bruises.
It will always be kadosh.

Friday, June 16, 2006

my soulburn

The week before last, I had a sunburn.
This week, a soulburn.
And while the sunburn I tried to cool with creams n lotions,
My soulburn I am fighting to keep burning.
Tryin to fan the flames, spread the sparks, live the heat.
You see, its a real burn.
So real, tis not visible to the naked eye.
The fiery heat, yes; the burn, no.
This one painful and this one painful.
That one didn't leave me alone, and this one doesn't leave me alone.
Yet, the sunburn was a result of my negligence and the soulburn of care and love.
There was a tragedy.
However you wanna view it, however you see it, there was a tragedy.
My coolness melts away in an instant-the heat is taking over.
The sparks are there. And noticeable.
Took the flame, the burning soul, and ignited a few others.
(A precaution against a possible sudden wind.)
Mercifully, fire only increases when spread, and does not diminish.
We thus set out, burning with passion & justice on a fiery mission to right the wrong.
A child no more.
I shake.
I clench.
I scream.
Piercing and soundless, simultaneously.
I sweat.
I boil.
I burn.
I turn to--
Wait. Must be good. Comes from He.
But, the fire?
The fire remains.
Simply redirect, know where to shoot.
Aim faya. Aim faya.
[Pause to smile]
Now time to warm and ignite all souls. Use a blinding light.
A coin, a bread, a cup, a box, a parchment, a prayer.
All fuel.
Powerful fuel.
Fuel that ignite even the coldest of souls.
A healthy positive fuel.
A fuel of comfort.
A fuel born from the soulburn of my own.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Make Reizi Proud


Shalom blogger/friend/classmate/co-worker/sibling/neighbor/stranger,

Just recently, on the 9th day of Sivan, the neshama of Reizi Rodal (10 yrs old) was taken from this world to join the myriads of tzadikkim who are now in the olam ha'emes (the world of Truth).

Yes, Reizi is finally at peace and in a place with no pain. But what about us? "Us" includes those who personally knew Reizi (or her family), those who have been in school with Sonia (or any sister) and many who have never met either of them, yet were forwarded this email by someone who did. No matter the connection or relation, we down here feel the loss. We feel the unbearable anguish and the utter confusion. How can Hashem do this to us? How can Hashem take away such a good, pure and innocent child at such a young age??!

But most importantly, what do we do now?

(If you have already heard all the details, and just want to know 'tachlis'-the bottom line as to what you can do practically-scroll down to the bold on the bottom)

About an hour before Reizi left this world, a letter was written into the Rebbe (via the Igros Kodesh) begging for a Refuah Shleima for 'Reizel bas Shaina D'vorah'. Shockingly, the letter that was received in response (Letters from the Rebbe, Volume III, pg 207) was all about what it means when a neshama leaves this world, and why we mourn if it really is a happy time. Only after Reizi passed away was the family informed of the Rebbe's response and you can just imagine the endless comfort that it gave them. Towards the end of the letter, the Rebbe writes that now the neshama cannot do any mitzvos, and this can only be resolved "when those left behind do a little more Mitzvos and good deeds-in honor and for the benefit of the dear neshama".

Let's take a look at what Reizi would have wanted.

At one point during her illness, Reizi said ""I feel so special that in my zechus, people around the world are united in doing mitzvos and bringing moshiach closer".

Thus, we are working with Tzivos Hashem (the world's largest Jewish children's club) in order to sponsor a special contest that will encourage and unite hundreds of 10 yr olds worldwide through mitzvos. (Details to follow when they become available)

Another thing we hope to accomplish is having the first ten perakim of Tanya memorized a total of ten times each, by the end of this year. (The number ten was chosen for that is the number of years that Reizi lived; and also, according to chassidus, ten symbolizes perfection.)
This means that a total of 100 people will be memorizing. (Actually, it will be less cuz some have already taken upon themselves to memorize more than one perek.)

By amazing Hashgocha Pratis, the HaYom Yom for Tes Sivan (Reizi's Yahrtzeit) talks about the importance of learning Torah by heart. To quote the Rebbe, "The world is in need of a purified atmosphere. Purified air comes only through words of Torah. Words of Torah offer protection in general and for each individual in particular. ……And there are no words to describe the tremendous gratification one thereby gives the Creator, may He be blessed."

And lastly, we have the 'Give 2 Minutes 2 G-d' project. The idea is simple; the impact, grand. It goes as follows: Every night before going to bed, take just 2 minutes (2 minutes=120 seconds) to open any sefer, any holy book of Torah or Chassidus, and read from it. After two minutes, stop. (even if you are in middle of an idea, paragraph) Though this may seem quite easy, you gotta make sure to keep it up every night, regardless of time or place, for the first 30 days. (of course you can keep it up afterwards..or add a bit o time each long as ur
consistent) Additionally, tell two others about it (convince em to join you or even just let them know what ur doing)

In conclusion, we have here 3 different ways you can be involved for the aliyas neshama of Reizel bas Shmuel Hakohen:

1) Help sponsor the Tzivos Hashem project

2) Memorize a Perek of Tanya

3) Give 2 Minutes 2 G-d (and tell 2 others about it)

Email to let us know what specifically you will be doing to make Reizi proud. If you have taken on any other hachlatos please email that to us, as well. We will, iyh, let both the Rebbe and Reizi's family know of what was done in her zchus. MAKE SURE TO WRITE YOUR FULL HEBREW NAME (INCLUDING YOUR MOTHERS).

With wishes for moshiach now–the only solution to end all the pain and sickness in this world!

Additionally, please forward this letter to everyone you know. We need to make a difference!

A Mitzvah Project

לע''נ רייזל בת שמואל הכהן
(in memory of Reizel bas Shmuel Hakohen Rodal)

Sunday, June 04, 2006

the night after amona

When I came back from Amona, the hardest thing for me to feel and say that night, was the following:

Master of the Universe! I hereby forgive anyone who has angered or vexed me, or sinned against me, either physically or financially, against my honor or anything else that is mine, whether accidentally or intentionally, inadvertently or deliberately, by speech or by deed, in this incarnation or in any other-any Israelite; may no man be punished on my account. May it be Your will, Lord my G-d and G-d of my fathers, that I shall sin no more nor repeat my sins, neither shall I again anger You nor do what is wrong in Your eyes. The sins I have committed, erase in Your abounding mercies, but not through suffering or severe illnesses. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable before You, Lord, my Strength and my Redeemer.
(first paragraph of kriat shema al hamita)

And yet, I did.
I had to.
If I want to be forgiven by G-d, then I must be prepared to forgive man.
And I knew with absolute certainty that when this tefillah was created, they did not intend for any exceptions. They had known of the Inquisition, of the
chappers, of the Kappo and they had known of Amona.
So, I asked Hashem to forgive the magavnikim, the yassamnikim, the soldiers who laughed at us when we passed, Olmert, Sharon and all those who played a part, however minor, in "amona".

Now please, Hashem, forgive us. Without exception.

Thursday, June 01, 2006