Sunday, December 31, 2006

Israel got a sechel transplant?


The Wicked Lamb

From the parables of the Maggid of Dubna (Rabbi Yaakov Krantz, 1741-1804)/

It was a time of trouble and sorrow in the animal kingdom. A terrible plague was decimating the denizens of the forest, with the number of the sick and the dead rising from day to day.

A royal proclamation was issued, and all the animals, large and small, were commanded to assemble in the great clearing in the middle of the forest. The lion, king of the beasts, then addressed his subjects:

"Brothers and sisters!" the king roared. "A great punishment has been visited upon us from Above. We must root out the sinners amongst us, before we all perish. We must each search our hearts and confess our sins, so we should know who is the cause of this calamity."

His royal highness set the example by being the first to bare his soul. "The other day I killed a man. I was patrolling the boundaries of my kingdom, my heart heavy with the burdens of my high office, when I encountered our two-legged master and pounced upon him... I have sinned, and you must pass judgment upon me for my crime."

"Your highness!" cried the all the animals. "Who can blame a noble leader, if while distressed and distracted by the great responsibilities he bears, lashes out unwittingly? Surely you are forgiven for your transgression."

Next spoke the wolf: "I, too, have a sin to confess. The other day, as I prowled the edge of the forest with hunger in my belly, I chanced upon a she-goat and her kid nibbling the flowers of the meadow. I tore out their throats, killing both mother and child, though even one animal was more than I could eat..."

"True, you have sinned," replied the animals, "but certainly you must be forgiven for your lapse, since your hunger clouded your thinking."

And so it went. One after the other, the predator of the forest confessed their carnage and thievery. One after the other, the council of animals absolved them of their crimes due to mitigating circumstances.

Then the sheep spoke. "I, too, have committed a crime. The other day, I was very hungry; for some reason, my master had neglected to take me out to the pasture. So I ate the bit of straw that my master puts in his shoes, so that his feet should not rub against the hard leather."

"How dared you!" roared the lion.

"Thief!" hissed the snake.

"Criminal! Sinner!" cried all the animals as they pounced upon the wicked lamb and tore her to pieces.

יונתן השפן

כבר מתגעגעת...ואיך

Thursday, December 28, 2006

"....and you know, the ones who gave us the most strength were the chabadnikim, they didn't tell us-'oh, you gotta be strong-his neshama is in a much better place now and being sad will not do good for him...' No, they told us 'cry out to hashem! its not right! we need to have moshiach already, enough of all these tzaros. enough of all these tests from hashem!'. You know, they really felt our pain. It was like, it was like they were family."

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

we talk about heavy topics so it should seem light
we don't mock, we don't laugh, we don't lighten
but the talking alone lightens the load
lightens the life
lightens the soul
It may be that Dumah announces all forthcoming soul arrivals.
I think that freaks me out a bit.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Ye vagabond

Ye wanted my blessing
Ye looked so innocent, ye did
So ye sneezed twice
Twice, ye sneezed
To garner my blessing

Ye vagabond
Ye s0ulless vagabond

Ye acted as if ye were readin the newspaper
Yeh, acted I say
I saw through
I saw through that, ye vagabond
Ye soulless vagabond

Ye cough. Ye ask for water.
Shred the script, I say.

Vagabond, vagabond, vagabond.

Unless of course, yer soul was
the innocent, and twas
mine that had been

ya frenchie, ye aint foolin me. not one bit. i know ur tricks. now bug off and remember the lime. and ur lack of respect. and my utter repulsion to it. oh and happy chanukah. race ya to the gan.

Part One Of The 'al tishali oti' Theory

Y'know those puzzles where u are given a word and then by changin one letter at a time you get to a new one? like eat, cat, car, tar....

so thats my blog

Imagine you write up a whole paper on something dear to you and then some ginger tea spills all over it. You show the paper to a friend who looks at it, looks at you, looks at it and proclaims 'ur nuts! this makes no sense!'

so thats my blog

Filling out a crossword puzzle...genius not much-you have the clues...yea you gotta work to figure it out but yo, you aint startin from scratch...your conclusion is perfectly logical

so thats my blog

bottom lines sum up a conversation

so thats my blog

and thats it for now. stay tuned for Part Two Of The 'al tishali oti' Theory. because you asked.


No Thoughts

(well that's not completely honest. the second time around i dwelled a bit on the no thoughts of the preeve)

Monday, December 18, 2006

She looked back.
"Achitov", she said, "bye".
He at once raised his hand in salute.
He nodded his farewell to her.
She left.
She wasn't sad.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

shaving cream vs cologne

shaving cream wins for power

it's good to be back

its good to be back
i can read the signs and understand the conversations
its good to be back

ye its good to be back
the street lights are cozy, the highways are near family
the houses are mine and the store fronts are winking
ye its good to be back

oh, its good to be back
colored toilet paper, familiar hand soap
garbage bin placement, sellstuprunig
oh, its good to be back

ahh its good to be back
to see the food and drink
to buy the food and drink
and of course, to indulge in the food and drink
ahh its good to be back

sure is good to be back
my language
my food
my sights
my people
my family
my surroundings
sure is good to be back

so it really is good to be back...but i'm still so far away...

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Walllllla don't tell me this aint the coolest thing you've seen tonight!

(oh and please don't forget...)

gam l'chaveirim omrim todah....

"You talk to me about life, about my friends, you help me with the language...thank you so much!!"
"Why do you keep thanking me for talking to you and helping you out? You think I do it to be nice? Cuz I feel bad for you? I talk to you cuz you are my friend, so chill out and stop thanking me!"
"I know we are friends, but even to friends you gotta say 'thank you'"

That line has warmed my heart to an unimaginable degree. Thanks ;)

Friday, December 08, 2006

yud tes kislev farbies in eretz yisrael

click the title to find em

more thursday stuff

Bibi netanyahu has a blog heehee----the chassidus i learned in 4th grade has helped shape the sabra i am today-oof zei heib shoin mit dee gas masks oy----"what should we do tonight" "the same thing we do every night, sabra-take over the worldddd" LOL----the lemon gum tastes like it fell into a soapy dish. i eat it anyhow cuz a) it's mine and b) it's new and c) it's sababa and d) i like soap and e) its free (i already paid for it, so now it's free) and f) there is no f. hey that reminds me of the elephant in a safeway bag joke. hehe and how shua got us both hehe.----a kid was saying 'baaa baaa' today and i thought she was whining. she was merely imitating a sheep. listen to kids, ok?----watched pots do boil. and they don't take any longer to boil than the unwatched pots do. ----the school days go by so much faster now than they did 10 years ago.----spontaneity is rivaled by neither barbara nor one-meal options----Baker + Hamilton + their chochmas = sakanos nefashos----uzacious memories grabbed my heart just before. in a good way kind of. yknow like homesickness does.----i must put out my 'all kids have special needs' booklet already.----a person comes into this world for 70 or 80 years just to do a favor for another. think bout that next time you refuse to walk someone home or bake challah for them.

thursday night means home from the army :)

So we sit down today for lunch and she picks up her cup and says 'here we go-my first drink of the day'. I realize that I too had not had anything to drink yet so I reached for my plastic cup and filled it with water. As I'm drinking, she tells me -"Y'know, the Rambam says not to drink while you eat.." I cut her off "ya and to refrain from drinking durin the half hour before as well as the half hour after eating". "Right", says she. Then she picks up her cup and continues drinking. I also picked up my cup but as I was about to tip it into my mouth, my hand froze (no, not literally you silly goose). I don't get you, I said to myself-You just discussed a coupla nanoseconds ago, out loud, that the Rambam said it's not good to drink durin a meal and yet you are going ahead and drinking anyhow. Mah karah lach, tembelit!?
How senseless I am...


Thursday, December 07, 2006

Please please please-

Please can you say Tehillim for Shaul ben Shoshana (שאול בן שושנה) ?
He is my friend's uncle, a middle aged Jew, who recently suffered from a brain stroke.
He has children aged 17, 13, 10-and even younger...
Please please please say Tehillim and/or do something that will tip the scales to the side of the good so that he (and everyone who needs it!) can have a refuah shleima-a complete recovery...and fast!
Thank you.
May we hear good news.

Perek 20 of Tehillim: Hebrew, English

Surprisingly, it doesn't bother me anymore.
(the convo we had that night, that street)

Yaaaay! Baruch Havaya.

And better, even way better is that soon, The Four will reunite as before and our mouths will fill with laughter.


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

They laughed when I asked her "Actually, who has time to read anyhow?" and explained, " we have to be mekabel pnei moshiach tzidkeinu" and concluded, "I'm thinkin I should just leave the book here."

They laughed cuz they thought the sabra was just being funny...being sarcastic...maybe showing off?

Or maybe they laughed cuz they felt uncomfortable...cuz they know it's true...cuz it hurts?

But I was serious. I was serious when I said it's pointless to borrow 'stam' books now. I have no time to read it. I can't read it. When should I read it? If I'm sitting down to read something, should it not be chassidus?

How can I sit down to stam read when times are so tense? Moshiach is standing at the threshold, 'ut ut koomt moshiach' and I'm reading stam? The F"R said that we are like soldiers waiting to greet our general. We all are standing in a line, ready and waiting. The only thing left to do is to polish the buttons of our uniform. Came our Rebbe, and said-The buttons have been polished! All the nitzutzim have been mevarer already. There is nothing left to do.
Ah so why is Moshiach not here? Ani Yodaaaaat...?? Moshiach, our general, is about to come in-the soldiers are standing stiffly at attention. They are excited and not surprisingly, a bit anxious-they have been preparing for this moment since they have joined the army! To greet their general and make him proud.
So that's our job now, said the Rebbe-we need to be "mikabel pnei Moshiach Tzidkeinu". That's all. We simply need to greet our General.
How can we do that? The Rebbe gave us plenty of hora'os, plenty of instructions-and don't forget, its now in our hands. The Rebbe told us that he's giving it to us.
I got chills when I heard the words of the Rebbe that everything he has done until now has been for naught, for moshiach is still not here. We need to get out of our golus pnimi. Forget world darkness-each one of us is harboring our own chunk of darkness and falsity. Get rid of that and then ye can start sniffin out ur window for Geula.
Ach I don't like that-I want the other way around, the easier one. The one where Hashem brings geula to the world and then by default our harbored chunks crumble and disappear. But who asked my opinion? And the crazy thing is that it's for our own good this way. Hashem only does what's good for us. Yet, we are still told to cry 'ad mosai', to demand from hashem to take us out of this bitter bitter golus. But oy, listen to what the Rebbe says! The rebbe says that even when we DO cry out ad mosai, even when we shout it to the heavens while our tears fall to the ground; even when we bang our hearts with our fists while we hug our fellow with out arms-even then, our ad mosai is not sincere. Rather it is cried out because we have been told to. Because we know that's what the Rebbe expects from us.
REBBE!!! How can you say that?!?! What more do you want from us??? You yourself said you cannot do any more, you yourself said you don't know why Moshiach has not come yet!! What can we do???? It's not fair, Rebbe! We are nothings, we are nobodys. But Rebbe we've done so much, worked so hard. We've conquered countries, built empires, Rebbe! Rebbe why'd you go? We never thought you'd leave. It doesn't change my avodah now, it doesn't. You are part of my life now as you were then. Now that I've grown older and even grown up in some ways, now you are even more a part of my life. Or rather, I feel it more. Cuz for you, it never changed. Listen, I don't complain and give excuses-Oh I didn't grow up with it. I didn't go to farbrengens when I was young. I don't have the same memories like everyone else. I don't know the Rebbe like they all do-they, those mashpi'im, those rebbetzins, those women, those speakers, those bochurim, those fathers, those uncles, those teachers. I have the Rebbe just like they do. I don't complain. I am happy that they got to see you and hear from your mouth directly, but Rebbe, I know that where I am is Hashgocha Pratis. If Hashem would have wanted me to grow up with it as they have, so I would have. No, my problem is not that you are not with me physically, no that's not it. My problem is that we are still in golus. And i know that even though you said that you are giving it over to us, I know that you are working even harder now on our behalf. Cuz duh, we are your children. I know it. But it's so hard.

I feel the tension. I was so caught up in his words that the dining room faded and I think I was sliding off my chair. He knew all the answers. But funny thing is, funny thing is that he's still in golus as well. Funny. Ha.

It's not funny, no. It's serious. It's serious and it's scary.

So I don't understand why they were laughing.
I really don't.
Do they not realize that the general is coming? Do they honestly think they can cram in a few chapters while they wait? Are they not nervous? Do they not hear his footsteps? Do they not believe it?

I'm nervous. I'm so nervous when I'm aware.

I'm trying to stay aware all the time.

I'm not laughing.

Monday, December 04, 2006

hero of the season

look at these faces

i look at each face and then read the name
i look at each face and then read the age
i look at each face and then read the hometown
i look at each face and read and read and read

i look at each face and think of the parents
i look at each face and think of the siblings
i look at each face and think of the friends
i look at each face and think and think and think

i look at each face and stare at the eyes
i look at each face and stare at the smile
i look at each face and stare at the expression
i look at each face and stare and stare and stare

i look at each face and picture the house
i look at each face and picture the school
i look at each face and picture the synagogue
i look at each face and picture and picture and picture

i look at each face and imagine the life
i look at each face and imagine the aspirations
i look at each face and imagine the fears
i look at each face and imagine the secrets
i look at each face and imagine the disappointments
i look at each face and imagine the humor
i look at each face and imagine the hopes
i look at each face and imagine the heroes
i look at each face and imagine the struggles
i look at each face and imagine the victories
i look at each face and imagine the knowledge
i look at each face and imagine and imagine and imagine

i look at each face and feel so scared
i look at each face and feel so sad
i look at each face and feel so angry
i look at each face and feel so grateful
i look at each face and feel and feel and feel

i look at each face and know they've moved on and up
i look at each face and know we'll be comforted
i look at each face and know they're with G-d
i look at each face and know we'll be with these holy tzaddikim so soon
i look at each face and know they've achieved the highest of highs

i look at each face and yet knowing all that, the hurt still stays; for i am looking at these faces and reading and thinking and staring and picturing and imagining and feeling.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Times of Label #4

They put on your boots wrong, Leib.
I'm sorry, Leib.
I'm so sorry they don't realize.

They left you crying by the window, Leib.
I'm sorry, Leib.
I'm so sorry they don't care.

They didn't hold your hand, Leib.
I'm sorry, Leib.
I'm so sorry they don't notice.

They didn't ask you which song you like, Leib.
I'm sorry, Leib.
I'm so sorry they don''t bother.

They called me away for 'just 10 minutes', Leib.
I'm sorry, Leib.
I'm so sorry that I left you with them.

And even more, I'm sorry I can never leave you with them again.

29 students and a professor

A professor once walked into a room where 29 of his students sat.
He said the word 'house'.
That's all he did; he just looked at them and said the word 'house'.

Their immediate reactions?

One student got to work on a thesis paper which covered how a home differs from a house.
One student took out some pieces of charcoal and began drawing a house.
One student wondered what it would be like to be a house.
One student wrote about what it would be like to be a house.
One student walked over to the corner of the room and declared the space as his new house.
One student anagrammed the word 'house'.
One student took out a Tanach and referenced all the places where the word 'house' is mentioned.
One student ran out of the room shrieking-he thought the professor said 'mouse'.
One student carved a model house out of an apple.
One student destroyed the model house. (he was hungry)
One student drafted a complaint letter to the dean regarding the usual ambiguity of the professor.
One student presented a challenge to debate the legitimacy of armies taking over civilians' houses.
One student accepted a challenge to debate the legitimacy of armies taking over civilians' houses.
One student refused a challenge to debate the legitimacy of armies taking over civilians' houses.
One student recorded the challenge and the proceeding debate on the legitimacy of armies taking over civilians' houses.
One student fell asleep-houses are a boring topic.
One student composed lyrics to a new song entitled 'house'.
One student composed a melody to a new song entitled 'house'.
One student wrote a paper on housical ethics.
One student burst out in sudden tears-he had no house.
One student squashed an ant that was on the way to its house.
One student pulled out a laptop and began blogging about houses.
One student wrote an essay which compared and contrasted the interior and the exterior of a house.
One student sat, arms folded, and waited for the professor to announce the day's assignment.
One student wrote of a long history of Jews being forced out of their houses.
One student described the different houses that are lived in, worldwide.
One student resolved that when he would be a professor, he too will start each lesson by announcing the word 'house'.
One student theorized as to how a house's temperature can affect a persons social skills.
One student researched the history of houses and how they evolved into what they are today.

Now not only am I all 29 students....I am the professor, as well.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Times of Label #3

They say to treat special needs kids as if they were regular kids.
I say to treat regular kids as if they were special needs.

Thursday, November 30, 2006

why am i watching amona videos??!

As if in a movie
short story or poem
my legs flexed and carried my body
i walked mindlessly
all the time conscious
just how mindless my walk really was.
the tears on my cheeks
were hot and many
and i couldn't bother wiping them away
cuz the winter chill

i was shaking and bubbling
my hurt and my anger
not sure which one was stronger
but pain is pain
and emotion is motion
so instead of going home
i walked in the dark
and i came to the spot
where not long ago
i sat with the child
us two on the floor
we sat with our coats
our coats and our boots
we sat on the rocks
wet and with mud
and i threw one in
into the water
i watched it soar
i watched it fall
i watched the rock go 'plop'
'here' said i, not long ago
to the child on the floor
'now you try one
and watch it go plop'
and he grabbed at a rock from the floor
he threw it with energy
he threw it with purpose
yet it landed oh so near
the rock did not make it to the water
the rock did not go 'plop'.
he tried again, again and again
yet every time as the first
he had such concentration
such might, determination
yet every time he failed
so i held him up high and gave him a few
thinkin this way hes sure to win
but alas once again
the rocks that he threw
fell just a few feet from our spot
i saw his frustration
i saw how unfair
i saw that we needed to act, to change
so i scanned all the forest and to my delight
i found oh the perfect spot
'come little one' i urged my small friend
'come let us make it go plop'
and we found a ledge where the water did flow
right underneath us you see
it was not far and stretched out beyond
no, it was right there at our feet
i gave him some rocks that i had grabbed just before
the edges, my palms are now red
and i watch as he throws with equal 'mination
though its failed time and time before
and i watched as this time
the rocks that were thrown
made their clumsy and graceful way
into the air, as low as before
but this time

and we left that place
the young boy and i
each will a smile so pleased
our walk oh so jaunty
our souls calm and happy
and a tip of the hat
(if i'd had thee)

so i came to the place
where id sat with the boy
just a few hours before
and i lunged for the rocks
that were wet on the floor
without really knowing my mind
and i threw those rocks one
by one and some more
i threw them with purpose unclear
but as the rocks fell
each with a 'plop'
my volcano started to clear
with each fall of a rock
my hands trembled less
my fury a bit more gone
each plop that i heard
each plop that i made
calmed my shaking soul

and then i had two
just two rocks in my hand
pebbles so small, insignif'
i didnt feel ready to throw them away
to let go of it all at just once
so i took a deep breath
and smiled and looked
all around me in the dark
i froze the picture in my mind in my heart
i froze it in my soul
i carved the scene
the lessons
the plops
i carved it into my being.
and i whispered words
of the holy and ever
to change my wave
to change my whole being
and then i felt strong
felt secure, confident

and threw the last two in the water.

and the plops are with me still

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Times of Label (& Co) #2

"Hey Sheina*, stop singing narishe zachin! Why are you not singing the words properly? I thought you knew them..."
"I do. I am just singing it in French."
"Ya. In French. Actually no, I am singing it in Russian"

*a 3 yr old gorgeous (k"ah) gift to the world

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Adam sauntered into a clothing store.
A saleswoman accosted him-"Can I show you our brand new pants?"
"No, thank you", said Adam, "I don't need any pants, I have enough now. As a matter of fact, I don't want any of your clothing. Thank you very much though".

A week later, Adam is back in the store.
He accosts the saleswoman-"Hi, can you please show me those pants that you offered me last week?"
"What?!", exclaims the incredulous saleswoman, "But but you said last week you don't need any!"

She asks him desperately, "should i listen to the old adam or the new one?????"


Ceasefire Lasts 75 Minutes

Ceasefire Lasts 75 Minutes
07:15 Nov 26, '06 / 5 Kislev 5767

( A Kassam rocket landed in an open area in the western Negev a short time ago, some 75 minutes after the PA (Palestinian Authority) (yemach shimchem) declared a ceasefire at 6:00am Sunday morning.

hey! sabra's gotta great solution to all these attacks! let's give em Alfei Menashe and Elon Moreh and Tekoa and 84% of Yerushalayim...that will definitely do the trick, no?

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Pidyon Sh'vuyim of our Sefarim

This day is the crowning culmination of the Didan Natzach victory, marking the actual return, in 5748 (1987) of the S'farim and k'tavim of the Rebbe'im to their rightful place in the library of Agudas Chasidei Chabad. This was the "...pidyon sh'vuyim (`release of the captives') of the S'farim, which were returned to their places in actual fact, on Monday of the Torah-portion `I shall return in peace to my father's house,' on the second of Kislev."

( Hayom Yom; Sicha, Tevet 5, 5748.)
She sings a tune
Foreign in the wind
She sings at peace
Yet all the folks quake.

Two flicketies beside a goofy grin
Glad to be alive and skipping.
She saunters down the path
And all the folks quake.

She reads all the words
But misses all the signs
Glasses sliding down her nose
Why do all the folks quake?

A juicebox in her hand-
the one for trips and kids.
Tis the sparkle of her day
So all the folks quake.

Very mindedly fingering her hair
(to the stranger, the Minded seem absent)
Laughs softly, ears reverberating from the laughter
of shaving soldiers, saltwater and flour
(thank you BC!)
It makes all the folk quake.

Bends down to talk to pigeons
Then waves goodbye
One hand on the juicebox

I wonder what the English would say about it.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

new born words

"I want all the information and research handed to me on a platter. After viewing and tasting, I will decide if the platter is a silver one or a moldy one"

"What am I doing? I work, and then I'm default dugma chaya"

"Tis good to feel accomplished, not merely to be accomplishing. But actually, that's just a yetzer hora"

"Oish, I've spent nearly an eternity researching this. Well, enough time to be frustrated."

"i just feel too small for this world in a way, and in a way too big, too much. like i dont fit in."

Real Stage Fright

Walking home (!) this evening, I was in a really cheery mood. I was so grateful to Hashem for everything, so happy and so relaxed. I was grinning huge. I looked heavenward, noticing but not caring about the cold rain and the wind ripping across the darkened skies, and quite audibly (mega smile still in place) said "Thank You, Hashem".

As I'm looking upward, I think of all that's goin on up there. I know there are thousands and thousands of malachim and tzadikim sitting and learning our holy Torah. Some are at shiurim and some are learning chavrusah style. Verses are being quoted by the quotees themselves; argumentative and piercing words have never sounded so friendly and pleasant. They are immersed in the thoughts of Hashem yet at the same time, they are also very aware of the goings on down here in this world. So, quite naturally I continued with a "Hi, Malachim". Y'know, just in case they want regards. I'm still grinning.

And then wham! It hits me. Ooh it hits me. Hard. Paaaaainfully hard.

You see, the malachim are all looking down at me and I'm stage fright.

Extremely stage fright.


And what do I do, silly sabra? I simply say 'hi'. "Hi"?? HI??? Court cases are in session, deeds are being weighed, lives are being assessed, souls are being flung, the scale is trying to balance, evidence is being searched for-and all I say is hi???


Grin disappears, relaxation is a word in the dictionary, and I think fast and hard and then (without any thought at all really), it's obvious-I gotta make my ancestors proud. All of em.

I begin reciting Perek 32 of Tanya by heart. My voice is quivering, my hands are trembling. You see, this is no regular stage fright, oh no-this is fright from bein on the Real Stage.

Real Stage fright.

With real consequences. It's real, oh boy.

For what will the Alter Rebbe think if I skip a line? What will the Rebbe say if I mispronounce a word? How will my Zeide feel if the words of Edgar Allen Poe or Eyal Golan were to come from his granddaughter's mouth?

I am walking like a drunkard now, yet I've never been as sober; I can't see properly yet I've never experienced such clarity in my life. I'm feeling weak; my strength is derived from holding onto our holy words alone.

As I turn the last corner, I feel a relief previously unexperienced by man, shadowed by a strange and very throbbing fear.
Kind of how I feel every time I get off a stage.

But this was different. This was a Real Stage.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

a life of questions...

I was debating if it should be a life of 'why' or 'why not'.
I came up with the following:

Deeds done by oneself, should be preceded with a 'why'.
Actions done by the One Above, should be received with a 'why not?'.


A fascinating* thought-

Thousands and thousands of years ago, before the expulsion from Spain, before the cotton candy machine was invented, before Albert Einstein bought mousse (err or wished he could), before the raven came tapping, before black and white photos were popular, before the Alter Rebbe was put into jail, before the Wright brothers thought of flying, before my grandfather married my grandmother, before Ka'in killed Hevel, before the Kotel was back in Jewish hands, before anything-before the world was created even! before man was created, before there were fish in the sea and before there even WAS a sea, before all that...Hashem had already Known which color undershirt I would wear today. Fascinating. Completely fascinating.

*interchangeable at times with 'scary' or 'comforting'.



"Hmmm, you look familiar..."
"Thank you!!"


"Hey nudnik, eich korim lecha?"

Dedicated to 'aizeh mishehee' and our (Simcha Peretz Geder?) campaign.
(eh don't believe us till it happens).

Ti Voglio Bene...but waaaaaaaaaaay more.

Friday, November 17, 2006

It's a Sweetbitter Shabbos for me.

When someone refers to something as bittersweet, what do they mean?
They are talking about something that is sweet but tinged by bitterness.
The classic example is of chocolate. Bittersweet chocolate.
It has a slightly bitter taste but one can still taste the sweetness of it.

When someone refers to something as sweetbitter what do they mean?
They are talking about something that is bitter but tinged by sweetness.
The original example is of Parshas Chayei Sarah. Shabbat Chevron.
It has a slightly sweet taste but once can still taste the bitterness of it.

This week, I will not be spending shabbos in chevron.
It is bitter. Strongly bitter.
But I have memories and feelings and photos of years past.
It is sweet. Strongly sweet.
So the sweetness helps to overcome the bitterness.

It's a Sweetbitter Shabbos for me.


(I'm wishing you all the sweetest of shabbosim..not just the sweet-ish* kind...and may we all merit to spend this shabbos together with all of our imahos and avos. Also, can you please say tehillim for Miriam Baila bas Rochel? Thank you.)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Letting Kids Bee

Tis a bit too long.
Especially for the sabra.
(hmm which animal would that make me be?)
But nice photos. Really nice.
Oh ya, and good message.
Hehe, can't believe I almost forgot to write about that.
The message.
It's a good one.

Watch the clip

(from J.M to mum to me)

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

My (attempted) Roman Conversion

It's not happening!
I try, I try, I really do, but it's just not happening!

I memorize their mantra, but end up chanting my own.
I merge into their lanes, but end up driving in my own.
I listen to their beat, but end up marching to my own.
I gaze at their portraits, but end up painting my own.
I mingle with their folk, but end up living on my own.
I practice their strokes, but end up creating my own.
I hear their language, but end up speaking my own.
I taste their mixes, but end up blending my own.
I wear their styles, but end up adapting my own.
I breathe their air, but end up emitting my own.

I just can't do it.
I just can't do as the Romans do.

Chof Gimmel Cheshvan

I'm lovin today's hayom yom.

On a separate note, I'd like to thank Hakadosh Baruch Hu, who, in His inifinite kindness and mercy had decreed that the bathroom not be freezing cold after my shower today.
Hodu L'Hashem Ki Tov, Ki L'olam Chasdo.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Times of Label #1

He tore off a piece of his siddur and before I could think of an answer, he had already tossed it into his mouth and was chewing furiously.

The concept of internalizing kedusha has taken on an entirely new meaning.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Upstairs, Downstairs

Upstairs, they farbrenged.
Downstairs, they partied.

Upstairs, it was all inclusive.
Downstairs, all exclusive.

Upstairs, the ages didn't matter. A chossid is not bound by time.
Downstairs, only those from the same age group were invited.

Upstairs, they sat in a small circle. Each one could see and feel and connect with one another.
Downstairs, they milled about. One looked but didn't see, one touched but didn't feel. There was no connection.

Upstairs, their voices rose in niggun and broke through the gates of heaven.
Downstairs, their voices rose in nonsense and crashed downwards.

Upstairs, they absentmindedly picked on the food because it was in front of them.
Downstairs they sat near the food so they can attack it with as much gusto as seen fit.

Upstairs, they spoke of Rebbeim and Rebbetzins. Of chassidim and yeshivas. Of the mesiras nefesh of then and of the mesiras nefesh of now.
Downstairs, they spoke of pop stars and idols. Of themselves and their lives. Of shallowness and selfishness.

Upstairs, they didn't feel the cold. Their bodies transcended nature.
Downstairs, they shivered from the cold. They were one with the elements.

Upstairs, minds were flooded, hearts were cracked, souls were ignited.
Downstairs, minds were clogged, hearts were closed, and souls were dimmed.

Upstairs, they farbrenged.
Downstairs, they partied.

Quotation Marks

"Beware of those [quotation] marks; they transform opinions to facts and theories to laws."
(Mion B. Relliantz)

Don't be a fool, I say.

Friday, November 10, 2006

What happened to my soulburn?


No G-d, that does not mean I need to be 'lit' again.
No, thank You.
I just want the fire back.
Yes, please.

add it to the list...

...of woah
...of hashgocha pratis
...of memories
...of regrets
...of loves
...of pride
...of happiness
...of stupidity

i think i should have shutupped earlier?

someone has hijacked into my email account and is sending out emails that are NOT FROM ME!!
i dont know who it could be but they write so frighteningly similar to myself that it is no wonder that no one suspects anything.
whats that you just yelled? change the password?
i have, mistalbetim, i have!
but they just keep comin back and figurin it out.
its not fair!
yknow, i do semi-agree with some of what was written, but not EVERYTHING.

bottom line:
those emails i sent were not really from me. embarassment gone.

(good work, sherlock. how'd you think of that? elementary, my dear watson.)

waitta sec, did that change the dynamics of the bottom line? cuz new ones are appearing...

Rabbi Lau Leads Torah Process to New Munich Synagogue

Former Ashkenazi Chief Rabbi Meir Lau led the procession carrying a Torah to its home in the new Ohel Jakob synagogue in downtown Munich, 68 years after the Night of Broken Glass, Kristallnacht in which Nazis smashed windows and...(read rest of article)

That is definitely a 'woah'.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Germany Is Woah

Germany is woah.
Like Gush Katif.
Gush Katif is woah.
Chabad is woah.
Chevron is woah.
Yerushalayim is woah.
Niv & Barak are woah.
Afrosonny is woah.
Blood is woah.
Woah woah.
Novels are woah.
Graves are woah.
Thunder is woah.
Germany is woah.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

P.s. Chaya Mushka shows her sister a picture of
Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka and says "This is Rebbetzin Me"

Peepee.s. Can you spot baby sheenuh?


Silence, at times, is the loudest, sharpest and most powerful 'last word'.
(Mion B. Relliantz)

Monday, November 06, 2006

"I'm very confident about my insecurities!"

I can't stop thinkin and admirin that line. I absolutely love it, remchalamo.
(twas said in the comments section of this post).
Am Yisrael Chayale!

Another line that I read on a blog this week and still lovin, is from chasidishe shaigitz:
"My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.'"
(tis from Steven here for cs's post and here for a link with a lot more of his quotes.)

p.s. sababa l'gamrei!

Friday, November 03, 2006

Shabbat Lech Lecha and 11 Cheshvan (or 'The Sabra That Was')

So as I'm doing the dishes, I'm musing about last year's Yud Aleph Cheshvan (anniversary of the death of our matriarch Rachel) and I decide to look back n read what I had written about it. I searched my blog till I found it here. It's a reprint of an email I sent out to a buncha acquaintances, buddies, family members, jailmates and grandkids. I get sucha kick outta readin my old emails cuz I write them as if I'm talking to the recipient personally. But, mahjnuna that I am, I still stick in my private jokes that noone but myself gets (ahem esty ;) ). So when I finished, I scrolled down and saw my email about Shabbat Lech Lecha and all these rich memories and emotions suddenly sabranapped me (similar to kidnapping, but not quite).

Those were the days...ahh hayu yamim hayu yamim...anyhow, I thought maybe you guys would enjoy it..cuz yall come back to this balagan of a blog and get frustrated that you cant decipher the CIA code....which noone asked you to do anyhow, so ur just setting yourself up for disappointment...silly muggles...and I never keep you in mind, never bother explaining or giving theres no thinking or guessing required this time.....b'kitzur, my good deed of the decade.

(over my freedom of expression as well as the revealing clues/hints/details of my life n background)

[chortle chortle]

(o and wandering, i already told you i won't mention the approx 30:12 cuz ur not cool enough so don't you be expecting it now)

Thursday, November 02, 2006

And if you smell like mold after taking a shower, think not: "O my, I suck at taking showers"; think: "O my, tis a good thing I have a great deodorant which can cover the smell of these moldy towels."

(The Previous Car In This Train Of Thought)

Sohlim Teklarayshin

I shall give background, I shall.
"There's only one time where I did the right thing and I'm still regretting it."

(is that how it goes?)


yall know the routine already

(son, a witty thing to write back would be "I'm a witty fatma")

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

לך לך

And I took the easy way out.
I went to Elon Moreh and smiled smug.
Not this time, I hope.
Smug is no match for real satisfact.
For real change.
For real live leaving and learning, going and doing.

I'm as Abraham as you are, let's get packin.


Monday, October 30, 2006


You shoulda seen the smile that burst out. The cheer that got splashed all over. My, even my hair looked good after it. Like a withered flower that got rained upon. Like an ill princess that finally basked in the garden sun. Complete rejuvenation. Revival of the down.

Thanks It for those 17:33.

like my pores..

im openin n closin, openin n closin, openin n closin.

what am i doing??

Sunday, October 29, 2006

some of the motley lines that walked through it-

.....Is it his low self esteem that's causing the irritation? Or is it my pride?

.....Do they realize that I don't care one bit about them? Probably not. They think so highly of themselves and their dumb opinions. Ha. I'm gloatin. I know its not nice but they'll never know. Ha.

.....All the words have been taken. All the phrases bought. It leaves me frowning.

...So how does it work? The mature mature and the rest watch? Should kindergarten teachers not substitute for psychics? (Will I forever live alone on this island? Will company sink it?)

.....Momentizing the moment took too much marathoning. I let it go.

.....And as the space got smaller and smaller, my heart got squeezed tighter and tighter until finally the space was gone-and at that moment my emotions were too. (a tear trickles)

.....Norim kosit. Norim kosit should be all the day, all the way. So why didn't they?

.....The hearts broke-from sadness, and some from joy. But the joyous ones didn't realize the sadness of it all, and the ones feeling sad didn't realize they should be rejoicing.

.....You might be prettier outside, and you are, but I might be prettier inside, and I am.

.....She stood on the dam. So close to the water, so very close. She knew she should leave or just let the waters go. Pick one already. But she stood strong, and locked the waters away. Everytime. Good for her.

.....And then suddenly, with prior warning, the smells of Israel gathered and rushed towards me, makin me feel faint. I stood there, weak in the face of such bravery and courage. Such loyalty, such dedication. The sand was all about; desert, desert. The flag did a furious dance and never moved. And the face. O the face. Hard and thoughtful, soft and sensitive. Experienced and aged, naive and young. The face. I felt my insides tangling up. Or, where they finally untangling?

.....You look at me. You look at her. You whisper. You nod. You comment. You have no idea what you are talking about. Not about her and not about me. You have no idea. None. So be quiet, please. Be quiet. And take your admiration elsewhere. Thank you.

.....Ah she was so perfect, so unreal. Her dress, her ankles. Her walk, her lips. Her pose her purse. Ah. And the perfect husband. Ahhhh the envy. I looked inside her perfect purse. Oh. A perfectly folded funeral notice. Oh.

[I want to write more, to remember, but I've arrived too late for that, mad hatter]

Friday, October 27, 2006

society samplin

to understand without investment

ahhh the (complicated) beauty of it

p.s. sabratic* scientists are not required to reveal their sources
p.p.s. see, my posts are only cryptic to those who haven't bothered tryin to crack** me

*machlokes whether the second 'a' (in the word 'sabratic) is a long 'a' or short 'a'
**im not askin to be cracked (uh i think i am already)

while big bird sends his package...

...ill be writin my life

Sunday, October 22, 2006

uh math problems?

"Well ok, maybe it wasn't a MAJORITY of them, but it was definitely at least half."

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Coffee With My Enemies

thanks my frie friend

(err that looks like a stutterin mistake)

Eli, all the ink in the world would be sufficient for me to thank you for your graciousness but there is no way in azazel that I am scroungin around this huge universe to do that. Rather, I shall dedicate this post to you and your (gasp!) mitzvah.

(applause dies down as Eli gets up to deliver acceptance speech)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

ha, the day i like White Sneakers....

two stupid people

moshe and willie
both are terrible for business and both have been doing it for years so I don't know why they haven't picked up anything useful.
both are incredibly dumb in their thought, speech and action.
two stupid people
but i dont want to talk badly of moshe-he's a jew.
i love him, he's a jew.
he has a neshama, hashem should shower countless blessings upon him and his family and i hope he will always be happy. (ignorance is bliss....)
but willie
oy willie
that guy must be doing it on purpose
i mean, really now
ach my heart aches for the stupidity borne, i cannot speak of it
suffice it to say that i chewed the receipt i got from him so any stupid things i do in the future, can be blamed on him (ki hanefesh habasar badam hoo)
stupid willie
stupid stupid willie

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Soldier´s Death Bridges Gaps

He's gone.
Sgt. Bnayah Rein, 27 years old.
Killed in battle during recent war with Lebanon.
After his death, they are carrying on what he lived for.

He's not gone.

(Remember to try clicking on the title. Credit for this one goes to Aliza.)

dis baby sheenuh (k"ah of course)

Monday, October 16, 2006

Schools to Mark 20 Years Since Ron Arad Fell Captive

The nation’s public schools will address the upcoming 20th anniversary of Israel Air Force navigator Ron Arad falling into captivity.

Arad’s plane went down over Lebanon in October 1986, and he has remained in captivity since.

On Sunday, members of Arad’s air force class protested in Jerusalem, calling on the government to do what is necessary to obtain his release, specifying that Arad must be included in any and all future prisoner release agreements.


I met Alon; I met Aytan.

Walking amongst the foreigners with that spaced out look that salespeople are born to zoom in on, I wasn't surprised when the blond guy in the weird black shirt stopped me and asked if he can show me his products. "Listen dude, I'm not interested in buying no ---- , so you'll just be wasting your time" (oddly enough, because purchasing/sampling this exact product was one of the reasons I came to the mall).
"listen you dont have to buy anything, im only SHOWING it to you"Sucks he's not Israeli-so many of these vendor folks are. Nu nu. O wait, he is talkin kinda funnily but hey, that doesnt mean much. Hmmm I really think he IS from Israel though (must be the shirt).....
Convincing and persuading back n forth for a minute and then I say, "wait, where you from?".
"Ahh I knew it, ok im ready to listen. What do you wanna sell me?"
blah blah blah yes no yes no try it out looks good but who knows these things only last for a bit, no i swear itll be good for at least 10 months ya right u callin me a liar chalilah im just saying its quite unbelievable but i dont doubt u for a moment al tidag ok continue breathing
"so whats ur name?"
"chava, and yours?"
"yaffe. where u from in israel?"
(giggly gasp) "hows ur house?"
"my house is fine, we werent hit"
"where were you?"
"i was there in chaifa.."
"walla..i have a good friend from there, hadar. hadar elyon"
"ken ken i know where that is"
twenty minutes of arguin politics, tryin to sell the product ("listen you dont have to buy anything, im only SHOWING it to you"), chattin bout eretz yisrael, and meeting the chatan
"hey! you have yosef's number? this guy here lives near him and he said he hasnt been in a sukkah yet this chag."
"ya sure, here it is..hey mister, she drivin you crazy?"
(scared to answer due to the look in my eyes and the uzi in my hands)
chatan ambles off, alon and i share mock exasperated glares, ach hakatan passes by lookin for the chatan, o well ya missed him, life goes on
"listen you dont have to buy anything, im only SHOWING it to you"
"so wait, you live in israel or america? what about your parents? they were born there and moved here? or born here and moved there? where are you a citizen of?"
i answer v'ani mitzta'eret but i cant write it up here
"hey can i ask you a question?"
"what does it mean when people ask me 'how much does it run for?'"
"it means 'how much does it cost b'erech, whats the price range?'"
"oh you see the first time someone asked me, i thought she meant how long will it last for so i answered '10 months'. she asked again 'how much does it run for' so i answered again and then finally i tell her 'listen, my english is not so good'. so she says 'how much does it cost???'
"ya its funny now but then i was so confused. i figured it out after a while because everyone keeps saying thats what it means? 'how much is it b'erech? is it a new slang?"
"no, not at all. people might also ask "how much does it go for?"
"how much does it go for, how much does it run for..i bet that it used to be'how much does it walk slowly for?"
"ehhh not quite. k so back to thissssssss"
"listen, im going to give you the lowest price i am able to."
pulls out price list/scam list
"look here. you see this-the least i can sell it for is 20 dollars. to one lady sold it for 35, to another for 30 and to two, for 20 dollars. and you see this-"
"ya ya i believe you. but its still a lot of money if i buy the whole set"
"ok but im giving you the lowest price."
"heh, you like my shirt?"
"no, its ugly and weird, so israeli"
"in america they dress so much *worse*"
"mah pitom?? youre joking, right? ur shirt is sooo typical israeli. thats actually how i first guessed you were israeli-all those words in a swirl.."
"hehe, its hypnotizing, no? thats how i sell everything ~waves hands in front of my face~ here, buy this for 200 dollars"
"hehe! ur nuts but i bet it works.."
"you know what? watch my bags for a sec im gonna go run into a store and ask someone elses opinion before I buy something this expensive" (starts runnin)
"heyy! its not expensive, i told u ill give it to you for less...!"
yea yea
"hi ms, i was wonderin if i can ask ur opinion on something. you see, ive never really had any experience with this so i have no idea what to expect and i dont know if this is normal and im thinkin im overpayin maybe...?
"oh my! this suits you perfectly. i think you should go for it, its really nice, honestly."
"yah? u sure? i mean i dunno..its not too shiny over there? and not too yadda yadda yadda?"
"absolutely not. i didnt even notice the shine until u pointed it out to me. im going to say it again-it really looks good on you"
(sidebar customer-)" let me see it, yes it is nice. really nice."
"ya? ur sure? (gosh when did i become so insecure??)
suddenly i hear "chaaaaaaaaava"
ha, alon (owner) is calling me
sidebar customer is harassin him
i dont convince her to buy anything but we drive her sufficiently insane (ex: tell her alon is my son, try selling her the product, talk about her in hebrew...) that she finally leaves.
back to the product and to life
"listen, trust me on this-im a professional..did this in israel and america."
"you know i published two books?"
"b'emet?? on this?"
"nope. short stories. and im workin on a novel now, a scary scary one"
shiver shiver
"so wait whats ur name again? and last name? i gotta go see"
"check in steimatzky for ..."
"o i will. yay! i have a famous friend! uh were friends, right?"
we talk about the girlfriend who he wont be seeing for 5 months-a mans gotta make money, yknow, and what halacha says about marriage. we talk about belief in hashem, keepin mitzvot, personal training, honesty and russians.
"k fine ill take it" (after phone calls to the beach and guilt trips from the owner-whatever happened to 'listen you dont have to buy anything, im only SHOWING it to you'???)
ya ya

march off
march all around the mall
decide i hate the product
i pass by alons stand
someones standin there
dont feel like arguin
twenty minutes to closing time
another israeli vendor swoops down on me
"hi, can i show you something?"
"ehh i no spik inglish"
"Oh, that is ok (speaking very s-l-o-w-l-y and CLEARLY), just LOOK at this cream that-"
"ehh no understand. only ebrew"
"ah b'emet?? at midaberet ivrit??"
"hehe stam ani ovedet alecha, of course i speak fluent english..."
"MAH?? ani lo ma'amin!! ani erog otach..."(followed by a long string of non-publishable hebrew curses/slang/yowls)
we laugh together
"listen mister, dont even start with me-im annoyed now from the other israeli down there who sold me this, i changed my mind bout it"
"no no, you dont have to buy anything, i just wanna show it to you"
"you know, every time i meet jews here, they always talk with such chutzpah. whats with you guys? you would think that jews would be the nicest.."
"hey listen, im sorry. i didnt mean to be rude, i just cant believe that i bought all that from the other guy. and come on-you really want us to be all polite and american-like? im only talking like this to you BECAUSE i care about you, because of my love for you-thats why!"
"at tzodeket, at tzodeket. im sorry, i really do like it ;)"
"mahjnun. i mean it-only to a fellow sabra can i talk like this!"
wide grin
"where you from?"
"i was from gush katif"
"what does 'was' mean?"
"b'ritzinut? you mean you didnt hear of-"
"lo lo, of course i heard of it. was there so often, gush katif...i was askin if you moved out there before the hitnatkut or because of it.."
"ah, no-because of it. i was kicked out"
"oof. oof oof. hey, look at this"
"ha! seret katom! yaffe!"
"todah todah. so which yishuv did you live in?"
"elai sinai. its not really IN gush katif, its more north near dugit and-"
"ya ya, nissanit as well, nachon"
"walla! so you really do know gush katif"
"uh huh. hey, here take this pen, this orange gush katif pen, as a memory of all the people who fought for you"
cuts out emotional inside sabra stuff (aka sweet mushiness)
"soooo did you shake lulav and etrog yet this chag?"
"no. i cant. i work here till 9 at night and i start-"
"at nine in the morning. yes yes i heard all that already from the guy down there. hey you should be friends with him."
"i have enough friends. if he wants to be my friend, let him come to me."
"woahhhh y'mistalbet! where do you live? ill tell you where you can shake lulav"
he lives in the same area as alon and my cousin yosef, one of the chabad shluchim living there.
"lemme get a pen to write down some info for that vendor over there israeli?"
"no, arab, yemach shemo"
"sh'yamoot. mavet l'aravim mavet l'aravim mahhhhhhhhhhvet uh ya ill go get the pen"
"alo can i borrow that pen please?"
"shukran!" (arabic for 'thank you')
hmm no reaction. i guess he doesnt understand.
"rooch min hoon!"
a gasp from aytan sends me runnin for shelter behind his cash register.
"mah at, mishugaat?? at normalit bichlal!??!"
"ehh i didnt think he understood..i dunno.."
"ya ya zeh beseder, he probably didn't, different dialects y'know.."
does the whole dead sea product thing wow wow
"bought something similar in tiveria. by the hot springs. didnt work. smelled nice though"
"ok but this one will. i promise. i know what im talking about"
"ya of course you gonna say that, youre the owner.."
"thats not true..."
he says he doesnt care to do mitzvot because hashem forgot about him, he claims.
"a father doesnt forget his kids so quickly"
"hmmm you may be right"
"heyy it actually works! but probably only the first time"
"here you know what. take it. i want you to see that i care for you and i believe what im saying and im not just trying to sell you it to you. take this cream, i sell it for 80 dollars (pulls out same papers as the first guy did, oy!) but im giving it to you as as a gift"
"uh why? chashavti sh'amarta sh'ani chutzpanit v'..."
"lah, i like you. take it. i made enough sales today. i can afford to give it away"
"walla, todah, i dont believe it, thanks!"
waves his hand at such nonsense in typical israeli way


too bad i dont have the patience to proofread this piece. it took me too long for what i did type up this far. i learned a lot. hope someone else did too.
gush katif. haifa. lulav n esrog. mivtzoyim. israel. america. malls. bombs. love. hate. gifts. wages. money. life. torah. chabad. father. family. peace. goodness. frustration. sadness. pride. gush katif. haifa.

woah. woah woah.

Thursday, October 12, 2006


ec·ze·ma (ks-m, gz-, g-z-)
[according to]

-Is an acute or chronic noncontagious inflammation of the skin, characterized chiefly by redness, itching, and the outbreak of lesions that may discharge serous matter and become encrusted and scaly.

eczema (egzamuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)
[according to chava dot klum]

1. upgrades chicken salad prep from kibbud eim to mesiras nefesh (with a dash of ahavas YISROEL involved)
2. makes yer fingers get caught on nylon (even if ye careful)
3. makes yer fingers feel like there are band-aids permanently wound around em
(though ull still need em)
4. hurts. both the unwilling owner and anyone in a 32 mile (hearing) radius (believe me on this one)
5. freaks people out (nhehehe)
6. is both dangerous (for soft baby skin) and delightful (on soft baby skin) when holding a baby. (unless of course, the baby is sadistic and thus it would be dangerous for you and delightful for the baby)
7. makes me glad and grateful for my ten fingers (baruch hashem!)
8. is great for scratching that itch..or itchin that scratch (dee-im thinkin of you and a certain show...i dunno if u even read this blog, but regardless..)
9. causes me to reconsider the benefits and evils of herbal savvy (choke!)
10. is something i wish upon my worst enemy (huh? whats a best enemy?)
11. makes ichy sounds when rubbed across certain surfaces/materials
12. should not be worn when holding golf clubs (even mini ones)
13. is slightly relieved when pushing katch's stroller (vs groissa sheina's)
14. is scaring gmail who is consequently offering me,, and (how sweet of em..just warning you- I do not endorse any of these websites, so dont come crying to me later...)
15. has no cure (az stom et peh v'al tatchilu im ha'eitzot shelachem, bseder??)
16. can be cured by aytan's dead sea products (wanna make a bet?)
17. has nothing to do with why, lately, i havent been writing on my blog. (myyyyyyyyyyyyy blog!)

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Please help an agunah (UPDATED):



Some of you might remember the story of the young man and his father-in-law who disappeared while taking a boat-ride and a swim recently. The father-in-law's body turned up, but the young man's did not. Eventually, the search team almost gave up and ended the search, assuming that the body was drawn into some quicksand underwater, leaving the young man's wife an agunah - halachically unable to remarry. Now it seems that someone saw something that looked like a body floated up a short while ago, and the search teams are at it once again, trying to locate it in the area where it is believed to have appeared. Our prayers may mean the difference of a lifetime for this young agunah. Please join us in praying that this woman, mother to twin three-year-olds who only recently had their upsherin, will be spared and will be able to rebuild her life once more.

His name is: Avraham Elimelech ben Yaakov Shmuel HaLevi.

It would be greatly appreciated if this notice was forwarded/linked.
Thank you, and Tizku L'Mitzvos.

And if you can still smell your deodorant after taking a shower, think not: "O my, what a great deodorant I've got"; think: "O my, I suck at taking showers".

Thursday, September 28, 2006

two fabulously funny n too weird links

Click here to watch a video of Israelis easing tension by hurling pillows at each other. (BBC News)

Read here about a restaurant in Israel that serves only atmosphere, and no food. "Customers can choose anything they want from the most exhaustive menu which includes everything from fried octopus to chocolate rolls in cranberry sauce - but all you will get is an empty plate." (Reuters)

I found both links on this blog

attention all winepickers:

the hope is nearly gone

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

o gd, moshiach come already! i cant take it anymore :(

"The Rebbe has told us that the geulah has already started and it is up to us to realize it. Here is a prime example showing how the world is moving towards Geulah.
Look how this craftsman exemplifies the nevuah in yeshayahu regarding "beating the swords into plowshares".Colombian craftsman Luis Alberto Paredes turns tools of death into musical instruments.

One of Colombia's top musical instrument makers, "Paredes" has branched out from traditional methods to fashion electric guitars from shotguns and AK47 rifles once used by fighters caught up in the country's lingering guerilla conflict.

"This used to hit a target at 800 meters (yards)," Paredes said holding up one of the guitars which still has a Kalashnikov rifle's distinctive, banana-shaped magazine. "Now the target will just depend on the concert stage."

Lopez says the idea came to him after the 2003 rebel car bombing in Bogota that killed 36 people. Lopez added that he hopes that others will take his example, and transform the world from a world of war and terror, to a world of peace and hope."

(got it from Menucha who got it from like chad gad ya here)

Monday, September 25, 2006

cold turkey

which food is most difficult for the sabra to digest?

Rosh Hashona 5767 (updated)

Ki Ain Machsor L'rayov.....Lazer Brody....Krainy & her crew........10 cents a Kapitel.....Taanis Dibbur....Farkash Niggun...Cold Turkey.....Rechovot (sniff sniff)....Zochreinu l'papa.....Zivchu zivchei tzeddek....Eatin with my hands, az mah....Wait wait (no pun intended)......Stupid pink sandals (who should we throw them at?)....Aphrasimona Apharsimona (Ira Heller?)...Attemptin the cold turkey once more......ISRAEEEEEEEEEELIS!!!!....Dis Habba/Dis Haya....Easy Havtachos....Curly haired soldier...Mivtzoyim.....Err cheesecake....Sleeping till tzvantzik azeiger...Poughkeepsie hehe....New clothes....Reizi...B'rosh hashona yikasaivoon...Who by fire...Beis Din...Daled amos-chayov misa.....Throw out wrong choc ice cream....Chavilla/mamilla.....Shana tovah fifty times (broken answering machine?)....Machzor fallin-memories of the carriage....Clappin to the shofar...Shofar sho good.....Even two minutes early threat....Yerushalayim shel zahav....


More 'QUEEN OF THE HUDSON' Headlines

(Please Click Here For An Important Message. Thanks.)

* Mr. Paul T. Rack Declares Bankruptcy And is Forced to Close Matchmaking Business *

* Residents of Crown Heights Breathe a Sigh of Relief after Being Spared the Poughkeepsie Treatment *

* Zach Guard Goes Behind Peoples Back and Denies It *

* The Shpy Attacks The Sabra *

* Bochurim List Now Required Reading Material For All Chassidishe Maidels *

*Nudniks Arrested for Possessing False ID *

Friday, September 22, 2006


POUGHKEEPSIE'S MAYOR, NANCY J. COZEAN, STARES WITH WONDER and dismay at the ghost town that has once been the 'Queen City of the Hudson'. As of late Thursday night, Sept 21, (corresponding to the Hebrew date of Elul 28), residents have begun packing their essential belongings and fleeing the city. At first thought to be an isolated incident, when 29 families traveled together from the Ruoflab neighborhood, this gradual mass exodus has prompted some urgent investigation.

Speaking with some of the nosy Chabadnikim in the area has shed some light on this mystery. "I'm pretty sure it has something to do with the Zach guard coming to town, though I don't know how everyone has found out about it so quickly" says Chatan from Peppermintville. "Maybe through his blog?", suggests his mother.

Residents are apparently frightened from the Zach guard due to his infamous monotonous voice that sends listeners either to heaven or to azazel, depending on their occupation-taxi driver or rabbi. Regardless of their destination once they leave this world, Poughkeepsie's residents would rather choose the option of life. So, as they near the High Holidays and are given the chance for a clean slate, many have opted to exchange their previous content lifestyle in the Dutchess county to one in the Mid-East where they are confident that they will not be interrupted by visits from bothersome and daring bochurs.

"Anything is better than dealing with the Zach guard", confided the sabra. "His voice is positively frightening. I recently came in contact with him and the trauma I have experienced will leave me scarred for a long time". The Sabra, who normally does not answer questions, has surprisingly agreed to participate in a short interview regarding her multilingual talents and her life as a child. (ed note: sorry guys, I had to cut the interview out, however, it can be found at

DP, a friend of the Zach guard, admits to having leaked the secret. "I needed cash", he confessed, "and I knew the sabra would pay for this kind of information. She's funny like that. Yknow, winepicking and all."

All in all, it has been a beery bizarre experience, but Mayor Cozean is comforted by the well known saying, 'A dare is a dare, and if there's a will, there's a way".

"...when the needs of another proceed yours in prayer, G-d heeds your request first"

This Rosh Hashonah we all gonna be prayin for ourselves, for friends, for enemies (to die), for sabras (peace in the mid-east), for alchohol, for family and for guidance. Please can you say an extra tefillah, prayer (or perek of tehillim/chapter of psalms) that Asher Lemel Ben Ruchel has a refuah shleima, a complete recovery?

Thank you and may Hashem answer all of our bakashos.

הפתרון היחיד? משיח בן דוד! י

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

.....memories..... (i promise) ....memories....

coffee shop in amona
cooking and cleaning for shabbos
cozy fireplace
crazy amounta kids runnin around (i think it was 100)
coffee every mornin, fresh
conversation in gavna
constant back massages
catering to guests
costly jewelry (gush bracelets)
chevron renting
caravan living

the jector or the jectee? who has it worse?

a brook?

(my mother seems to think so)

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


When Man desired to fly, two paths lay before him: To create vehicles lighter than air, or to use the air's resistance to his advantage.

In the end, the second path proved more successful.

It turns out that when you wish to fly above, resistance is to your advantage. In fact, it carries you higher than the angels.

Subscribe to 'A Daily Dose of Wisdom from the Rebbe'
(words and condensation by Tzvi Freeman)

my grandmother k"ah

Thursday, September 14, 2006

It really stunk on the bus...

So I'm sitting on the bus and suddenly an overwhelmingly powerful stench threatens to choke me. (don't know where it came from but I did have my guesses.) I'm trying to distract myself so I look around. My glance falls upon a black teenager. I let my imagination wander so I can be occupied with something other than the horrendous odor. I think of the blacks of long ago. I think of how horribly they were treated. Mistreated, really. I think of how they were beaten into being slaves. I think of how they were transported on ships and how they were all thrown together, chained one to another, lumped and clumped one on top of another. Not able to move and more importantly, not able to breathe fresh air. Limbs intertwined with yours, and faces stuck in yours. Nowhere to turn, nowhere to look. Think stuffy, think hot, think sweaty. Think smelly.

Gulp. Quick think of something else.

Um eh the history of something else..the amerikaim? What immediately comes to mind are the natives, the Indians. Ah the word 'Indian' conjures up images of throngs of sandal and sari clad Indians and Pakistanis that filled the streets of Chicago durin my short stay there (ahh, you wonder, what makes me so sure that there were only Indies and Pakies when I was there? well I'm not..but that's all I care about at the moment). And most strong, is the memory of the spices. Their sweet smellin incenses were anythin but sweet. Twas plain ich. Like pinch your nose closed until um you manage to buy noseplugs...

The elderly woman sittin near me accidentally jabs my hip. Well I'm givin her the benefit of the doubt that twas accidentally though she had thrown some disapprovin glances my way earlier on in the ride...due perhaps to the obnoxiously loud music comin from my ipod. nu nu. Hmm she looks a bit like this other savta that I 'savta sat' for a coupla weeks ago. Woah that deserves a story of its own. (don't we all..?) b'kitzur, one of the exciting parts of this one night episode was takin her to the sheirutim. You see, she's r'l wheelchair bound ever since an operation from a few months ago failed and left her leg um unusable. Anyhow this bathroom tiyul occurred every hour and a half. If I was lucky, every hour and fifty minutes. And in keepin with laws of tznius I shan't go into detail except to say one thing-the smell wasn't pleasant. No siree. But wait, why am I thinking of smells again?? I'm nauseous as it is...

I try openin the window but its not openable. I see the construction workers outside. I've always been entranced by construction. I can sit (or stand!) for hours and just watch their progress. Watch somethin from nothin. ahh construction workers-the sweat, the moving, the shouting, the noise and gosh, the heat. The sweat and the heat. The constant sweat. Woah bad idea, I'm supposed to be thinkin of something OTHER than foul smells....

I look down at the directions in my hand.
Scribbled on the back of a diaper coupon.

I drummed my fingers on the arm rest.
I suddenly found it dangerously close to some treifishe french fries and ketchup.

I give up.
I absolutely give up.
Good thing cuz my stop is here.

And as these thoughts ran through my head, some positive ones did too. Some life learnin ones. (makin the Besht proud, eh?) I thought of how this can be applied to my life in so many ways. What really struck me was how this was a perfect example of Hashem must be a total part of your life-permeated into every fiber of your being and existent in every nanosecond of your day.

There aint no escapin Him-ein od milvado!

Sunday, September 10, 2006

i really dont care that they all stared

i dont care that they all stared, the women and the men-
so i was sittin on the floor.
i dont understand why they stared, the kids and the contstruction workers-
they too sit on the floor.
i dont know how they stared, the businessmen and the blabbering girls-
i was sittin on the floor.
i dont really care that they all stared, the indians and the english-
so i was sittin on the floor.
i dont really understand why they stared, the teens and the troubled
they too sit on the floor.
i dont really know how they stared, the mothers and the merchants
i was sittin on the floor.

i really dont care that they all stared at me sittin on the floor

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Video of Nachal 931 in Lebanon

Click here (and then press 'Enter') to watch a video-approx 20 minutes long-of IDF in Lebanon.

I tried writing a description bout this clip but I simply couldn't. You just gotta watch it for yourself. Really hits home (no pun intended) cuz this is one of my gidudim. Gosh I love you guys.

[Found it on]

Monday, September 04, 2006

ein lachem ma la'asot?

Some things I would like you to check out
(click on the heading of each paragraph for a link to the site)-

Michal Designs:
If you need a graphic designer (or if you don't), Michal is the bestest. She does any print job you need including (but not limited to!) flyers, brochures, postcards, invitations, logos etc..
She also offers translating services-from hebrew or italian to english.

Don't Tell Me to Cheer Up:
Ahh this is so refreshing to see that someone else feels like me on this topic.

"Cheer up" implies that I have no reason for feeling bad. Let's face it: the chances are that I'm not sad for the sheer fun of it. Something is obviously troubling me, causing me to be melancholy. Telling me to cheer up is effectively denying me the right to feel upset about it. Imagine the burden I now carry: I not only have a worrying problem, I'm not even allowed to feel bad about it!

Do a Mitzvah for Chaya Mushka Holzkenner:
I got an email today, requesting to...

"...Please take on a special mitzvah in honor of chaya mushka holzkenner (she is a newborn twin with a chromosome condition, on a special mission in the world.)

The Amateur:
Read this poem a few days ago..really liked it..

I saw a man today was down on a knee.
He wasn’t praying, nor was it blasphemy.
I wondered maybe he was a little cuckoo –
His fingers were tying the lace of his shoe.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

where exactly does pete fit into all this?

Tal is back (or is it that I am?) and Gis is scared I'm gonna run off with him. Ha. As if.

For her, I'll wake up early.
(as im typing online in these typically boringly muggle sleeping hours)
For him, I'll consider buying a new tzmid.
(only cuz the old one snapped..and he asked if it was insured..cmon how desperate)
For her, I'll eat mishuleshas..even at 2 in the mornin
(o wait, they're closed lichatchila ariber!)
For them, I'll say Rashi through closed eyes afilu.
(Ach its for all of us, who am i fooling?)
For her, I'll deal with the proud chareidi and his mamosh yaffe trays
(blah it wasn't even my money or my ben yehuda errand)
For her, I'll shlichutate in Bolivia.
(with a happy heart and a fearless face)
For her, I'll take it out when she's around.
(even though i think its cute!)
For him, I'll go through the inyan-chapper.
(only cuz sonny advised..and 'hot stuff''s mother asked)
For her, I'll brave the dazzle of the negrin.
(she did alot more for me, and even i can admit that)
For him, I'll wish a goodbye and goodluck from both of us.
(though i know its hard for him, for her and for myself)
For her, I'll spend precious money on chocolate bakery croissants.
(refreshing to get a thank you only from her and not the rest of em)
For them, I'll do my best to shutup when they come.
(apparently it wasnt enough for half of them)
For us, I'll forget the times, the heat, the coming late, the busses, the waiting...
(o theres more, plenty more..but i said i'd forget em)
For him, I'll make aliyah!
(well that doesn't really make sense but he DID say that was the only thing we can to pay him back and boy does he deserve it!)
For her, I'll weather the bathroom excursions, the house arrest, the shriki temptation and the ice cream with a toothpick and silverfoil.
(and noch i thought i was gettin rewarded and in the end i got stranded)
For her, I'll lie.
(woah woah)
For him, I'll keep silent when I see them walking down King George.
(ya well that wasn't completely by choice)
For her, I'll try to be good.
(I love her too much to be selfish)

I was about to ask Him what He's gonna do back for us in return but then I remembered that every last thing He does is good.

Don't needa enumerate, don't needa make lists and count points.
Bless for the bad like you bless for the good.
Baruch Dayan Ha'emet.

Ach but cant You just carry our all Your good in an open way?